Once a mom…

sleeping in chair

…always a mom. These two little critters are now 29 and 24. When I look at photos like this one I want to turn the clock back. Please? Just for a little while? What would I do differently? Nag more? Worry less? Check homework more often? Read more stories at bedtime? Feed them more vegetables? Make more of their favorite cookies?

I try not to second guess myself too much.  They have turned into amazing young men and I am very proud of them. They both graduated from Durham Academy, where I teach, an academically demanding school.  Each had to be in my French classes in the middle school, one for three years, the other for two. They were lifers, attending DA for 14 years each. They were very good athletes, balancing homework, practices and games. Both won awards and were team captains in their respective sports. One had to play basketball for his dad. Both graduated from college, one from Guilford College, the other from the University of Tennessee-Knoxville. Go Quakers. Go Vols. Son #1 played college basketball, the equivalent of working a demanding part-time job. He is now a dad (hence my previous posts about the joys of grandmotherhood). And a very good one. He is moving into a new job in his chosen field of school administration and teaching. He has brought EB into our life, my chance to finally have a daughter. Buddha dog is pretty cool, too. Son #2 is in law school and has successfully interned with a real estate law firm for the past year. He has moved twice since his Knoxville days, now settling into Charleston, SC, a city I plan to visit soon. He has a girlfriend and we are already quite fond of her and her sweet pup. They recently adopted a kitten they named Charlotte after the city where they met (Charlie for short).

These darlings aren’t perfect. Neither am I. Not by a long shot. We’ve laughed, cried, yelled, played hours of UNO, SkipBo, and now Cards Against Humanity games, eaten many, many breakfast-for-dinner meals, hugged, covered thousands of miles on family road trips to Nebraska, Québec, DC and to the NC mountains and beach, watched countless sporting events together whether on TV or in person, laughed at silly sitcoms and game shows such as Whose Line Is It Anyway, learned to count in español with the Sesame Street gang, sung along with Barney while wearing Barney bedroom slippers, tried to figure out the ending to several seasons of CSI, watched Disney movies from the late ’80’s to the mid-2000’s, including The Little Mermaid about a million times, eaten more than our fair share of popsicles and bags of microwave popcorn, read every single Berenstain Bears book multiple times, built lego spaceships and castles… I could go on and on, but I risk making myself cry if I keep this up. Right now, the eyes are just a bit misty. I just hope that they know that I have done my best.  (Now, I am crying.)

Some favorite photos–

 

2009beach

Jakes grad 11

beach14

I love you, Son #1 and Son #2.  You are all I could ever have hoped for in the mom department.

Son #1’s Sausage and Brie Bites

Son #1 loves to make these at the beach and on our back deck. Buy whatever kind of sausage you like- we usually buy andouille. Cut it into bite-sized pieces (but not too small). Choose a good creamy French Brie cheese and leave it out of the refrigerator to come to room temperature. We usually use Triscuit crackers for our feast. Fire up the grill. Cook the sausages, being careful not to lose any to the coals! Sprinkle with red pepper flakes or any other seasonings or sauces you like.  Voilà.  Let the party begin.

Son’s #2’s Shrimp and Grits with Sausage

peeling shrimp

Grits
1 c. grits
4 Tbsp. unsalted butter
3/4 c. cheese (extra sharp white cheddar or Gouda)
1/2 c. grated Parmesan cheese
Cayenne pepper, paprika, Tabasco, salt and pepper, to taste (usually better to start with small amounts, taste and adjust)

Cook grits according to instructions on package.  As grits are finishing, whisk in butter, cheeses and seasonings.  Cover and keep warm.

Shrimp
3 Tbsp. each butter and olive oil
2 c. sliced leeks
1/2 c. chopped shallots
3 tsp. minced garlic
1-1/2 lbs. 20-30 count shrimp
4-5 grilled andouille sausages, cut into bite-sized slices
1/2 dry white wine or vegetable stock
Chopped roma tomatoes, if desired
4-5 strips of bacon fried crisp
Salt and pepper
Fresh parsley, for garnish, if desired

This cooks very quickly.  Be sure to have everything ready and easy to reach before beginning.
Heat large skillet until hot.  Add olive oil and butter.  As oil begins to smoke, add leeks and shallots.  Sauté until translucent.  Toss in shrimp to cover bottom of pan.  Before stirring, add salt and pepper.  Stir until shrimp just begin to turn pink all over.  Let pan return to original hot temperature.  Stir in garlic and be careful not to burn it.  Add sausages.  Deglaze pan by adding wine or vegetable stock.  Stir for about 30 seconds or until everything is well-coated.  Add tomatoes, if using, and toss for about 20 seconds.  Serve immediately.

To serve:
Spoon grits on to plate.  Spoon shrimp/sausage mixture on top of grits.  Crumble bacon on top.   Garnish with parsley, if desired.

Bon appétit to all moms and sons. To all families in all shapes and sizes. Hug each other as often as possible.

 

28 Mother’s Days

 

I am attempting to move my old blog over to WordPress.  I think that I will now attempt to copy and past over the last post.  Cross your fingers…

I became a mother in 1987.  Son #1 came into the world as a perfect textbook baby, according to his pediatrician.  I had no other frame of reference.  He ate every four hours, rarely cried, slept through the night at four weeks, and made me feel like the perfect mother.  I actually had very little to do with it.  Other than the feeding and changing diapers.  The first thing the Ex-Ex and I did when we brought him home was to take him upstairs and change his diaper.  We were scared to death and really didn’t know what else to do.  I had zero to no experience with baby boys and their parts.  I managed to let him pee all over himself before I could get the diaper back on.  Live and learn.  I learned to always keep a diaper in place so that wouldn’t happen again.  I’ve come to the side of the camp that believes we are born with a certain personality and temperament.  If we are lucky, we have a spouse who loves us and helps us and understands that the bond between a mother and child has nine months to take hold and that it never lets go.  We are also lucky if we have enough resources to provide for all of this little bundle’s needs and a few of his wants.

I became a mother for the second time in 1992.  Son #2 was completely different.  He seemed hungry all of the time (my parts hurt just remembering that).  He cried with a gusto I didn’t know a little bundle could muster.  He rarely napped (anything under an hour doesn’t count, in my book).  And he suffered from night terrors off and on for a few years.  Our pediatrician, Dr. Will London, informed me that he was a “normal” baby.  Now he is as calm as can be.  A couple of years ago he asked me if he was an accident since there is almost a five year difference between him and his big brother.  No, he was planned.  We were thinking ahead to college tuition probably.

Mothers want their children to be happy.  It is as simple as that.  When they are heartbroken, so are we.  I am not a hover mother or any of the other titles that have been given to mothers who want to fix everything and make their child’s world perfect.  I know that you cannot do that.  Mama Mildred taught me that.  There will be some stumbles and probably some falls.  That’s how you learn self-confidence and resiliency.  Life comes with happy and sad.  You have to learn not to get too high on the happy or too low on the sad.  Balance.  It isn’t always fair.  Asking for help when you need it is not a sign of weakness.  Each of us is a work in progress.  For our entire lives.  Not everyone is meant to be a doctor, a five-star general or the head of a corporation.  As Abraham Lincoln said “Whatever you are, be a good one.”  Abe knew adversity.

There are no perfect mothers.  We are human.  We cry.  We stumble.  We take detours.  But we never stop loving our babies or wanting the very best for them.  Our worst fear is that our babies will leave us before we leave them.  That’s not the natural order of things.  We will always feel the need to fix things, even though we know we can’t.  That’s when we pull out a frying pan or a mixer and try to feed them something we know they love or at least they used to when they were little.

Someone gave me us the children’s book Love You Forever by Robert Munsch when the boys were little. This became their favorite bedtime story because it always made me cry.  (I am tearing up just thinking about it.)  On his website, the author says the book started out as a song.

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always,

as long as I’m living

my baby you’ll be.


I know that somewhere I still have that book.  It’s in a box of treasures in a closet, I am guessing, with the Batmans and Thomas the Tank Engines.  It’s the story of a little boy and all the stuff he gets into (as you can see from the cover).  It ends, however, with the grown up little boy taking care of his mother and singing:

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always,

as long as I’m living

my mommy you’ll be.

Click on the link above and listen to the author read the story.  You will understand why Love You Forever is a best seller in retirement communities.  I am not just tearing up at this point.  I am a lucky mother.  Dripping tears and all.

Son #1 was (and still is) a big fan of Chili’s Boneless Buffalo Wings back in 2002.  The internet was around at that point and he found the recipe on the Top Secret Recipe website.  I found the recipe yesterday while straightening out my cookbook shelf.  It’s actually a bookcase– I have a lot of cookbooks.

Top Secret Recipes version of Chili’s Boneless Buffalo Wings 

by Todd Wilbur

1 cup all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons salt

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/4 teaspoon paprika

1 egg

1 cup milk

2 chicken breast fillets

4-6 cups vegetable oil

1/4 cup Crystal or Frank’s Louisiana hot sauce

1 tablespoon butter (the recipe calls for margarine, but I am a purist and only use butter!)

On the side:

bleu cheese dressing (for dipping)– we prefer ranch

celery sticks

  1. Combine flour, salt, peppers and paprika in a medium bowl.
  2. In another small bowl, whisk together egg and milk.
  3. Slice each chicken breast into 6 pieces.  Preheat 4-6 cups of vegetable oil in a deep fryer to 375˚ F.  (I use my deep cast iron frying pan.)
  4. One or two at a time, dip each piece of chicken into the egg mixture, then into the breading blend; then repeat the process so that each piece of chicken is double-coated.
  5. When all chicken pieces have been breaded, arrange them on a plate and chill for 15 minutes.
  6. When the chicken is done resting, drop each piece into the hot oil and fry for 5-6 minutes or until each piece is browned.
  7. As chicken fries, combine the hot sauce and butter in a small bowl.  Microwave sauce for 20-30 seconds or just until the butter is melted, then stir to combine.  You can also use a small saucepan for this step.  Just combine the hot sauce and margarine in the saucepan over low heat and still until the butter is melted and ingredients are blended.
  8. When chicken pieces are done frying, remove them to a plate lined with a couple of paper towels.
  9. Place the chicken pieces in a covered container such as a large jar with a lid (a tupperware-type bowl will work just fine).  Pour the sauce over the chicken in the container, cover, and then shake gently until each piece of chicken is coated with sauce.  Pour the chicken onto a plate and serve the dish with bleu cheese dressing (or ranch or whatever you like) and sliced celery on the side.

I also found a cookbook that Son #2’s fourth grade teacher and class put together.  The Comet’s Cafeteria.  Son #2 was (and still is) a fan of cheese sticks.  I remember searching for a recipe and having occasional success with it.

Fried Mozzarella Cheese Sticks

2 eggs, beaten

1/4 cup water

1-1/2 cups Italian seasoned bread crumbs

1/2 teaspoon garlic salt

2/3 cup flour

1/3 cup cornstarch

1 quart oil for deep frying

1 (16 ounce) package of mozzarella cheese sticks

In a small bowl, mix the eggs and water.  Mix the bread crumbs and garlic salt in a medium bowl.  In another medium bowl, blend the flour and cornstarch.

In a heavy saucepan, heat the oil to 375˚F.  One at a time, moisten each mozzarella stick in the egg mixture.  Then dip into the bread crumbs, and finally into the flour mixture.  Then fry until golden brown, about 30 seconds.  Remove from heat and drain on paper towels.

Bon appétit to all mothers.  Happy Mother’s Day!  Our babies might not be able to be with us, but they are in our hearts and souls.  Now and always.  As long as we’re living our babies they’ll be.